Fuzzy Logic Gates

Most cats operate on standard boolean logic. It’s a simple binary NOT gate: if they are inside, they want to be outside. If they are outside, they want to be inside. My cat, however, is aptly named Fuzzy Logic. He doesn't do binary. He operates strictly on a continuous probability spectrum between 0 and 1, especially when it comes to doors—which he treats as highly complex logic gates. The other day, I was in the middle of a UPS swap on the server rack. I left the room's door cracked exactly two inches to vent some heat. To Fuzzy Logic, this was a challenging XOR gate scenario.

If I open the door fully (Input 1), he walks away. If I close it completely (Input 0), he screams at the top of his lungs. But if it's left slightly ajar, his output state becomes completely indeterminate. He sat there for twenty minutes, one paw extended through the gap, stuck in an infinite processing loop. I tried to lure him in, but his internal garbage collector had apparently paused all background threads. He was sitting there calculating the exact tensor probabilities of whether he actually wanted to be in the room with the humming InfiniBand switches, or if he just wanted the option to be in there. Eventually, he chose a state of 0.3 (head inside, tail outside) and fell asleep directly on top of a coiled 10GbE cable. Total system crash, requiring a manual reboot (shaking the treat bag).